The decline in sportsmanship has significant psychological and developmental consequences for young athletes. Poor adult behavior — whether from parents, coaches, or spectators — creates an environment that is not conducive to learning, enjoyment or emotional well-being.
We asked three leading professionals in sports psychology and mental performance about these negative effects and how to cope with them.
Process vs. Outcome
Increased competition, social media influence, and emphasis on personal or financial gain over personal growth were cited as contributing factors.
“There’s a win-at-all-cost mentality with a focus on outcomes rather than process,” said Dr. Andrew Wolanin, a Philadelphia-area sports psychologist and member of the USA Lacrosse Sports Science and Safety Committee. “When you focus on stick development for a 12-year-old, you don’t worry about missing the ball during a game.”
Parents should ask themselves why they got their child into sports in the first place.
“It’s because you recognize sports teach them values and responsibility. It helps them grow psychologically, emotionally and socially,” said Dr. Jonathan Jenkins, a Boston-based sports psychologist and former lacrosse player who works with the NFL’s New England Patriots. “If that’s the case, you’ve got to let that process happen.”
Poor parental behavior can easily disrupt a young athlete’s mindset.
“It creates this moment where the sport isn’t about the sport anymore,” Jenkins said. “The athlete is now thinking ‘how can I make sure that my parent doesn't get upset’ and thought process is not going to allow for appropriate player development. Instead of reacting to what's happening on the field, they might be reacting to what’s happening on the sidelines and the extracurricular distractions.”
Trigger Points
Dr. Stephanie Coakley emphasized that disruptive behavior from parents can trigger anxiety, embarrassment and shame in young athletes, which can have lasting psychological effects. Especially so if there’s a family history of violence.
“It’s hard for a child not to hear their parent’s voice,” said Coakley, a certified mental performance consultant and senior associate athletic director at Temple University. “That’s the voice they’ve heard their entire life.”
The impact of poor behavior doesn’t necessarily disappear at the end of the game.
“Think about when you've been embarrassed in your life. That doesn't go away in a day and a half; you might remember incidents from 20 years earlier,” Coakley said.
The effects differ by age and developmental level, Wolanin explained.
“For younger kids, it can impact social skill development and engagement with a society where rules are in place,” he said. “For teenagers, we start to see more of an individual impact of self-criticism, anxiety, depression and eating disorders. When they try to meet expectations that are not realistic, that can lead to unhealthy thoughts about oneself and then behavior that tries to change that in some way.”
What Athletes Can Do
It’s unfair to ask kids to do the parenting. But if they’re up to it, they can be powerful change agents. “It’s definitely a hard task because kids don't have the words to articulate exactly the level of distress that the bad behavior causes for them,” Coakley said. “But if they wish to try, they can be honest and tell their parents how it makes them feel.”
Simple feedback from kids to their parents can be effective.
“The main message from the kids, if they're not having fun, is simply being able to say, ‘this is not fun.’ Beyond that, it shouldn’t fall to them to figure out how to change the culture,” Wolanin said. “That responsibility falls to the clubs, the coaches and the parents to create a healthy environment for the kids.”
“When my 6-year-old calls me out on something, it hits a little bit different than when my wife does it,” Jenkins said.
Tell your parents how their behavior makes you feel. But don’t do it in the heat of the moment. “If I’m going to fix a boat, it makes no sense for me to fix it during a storm,” Jenkins said. “Fix the boat when the water is calm.”
Ask them to watch games from a spot that’s farther from the field or bench area.
Invite extended family members (aunts, uncles, godparents, etc.) who could help regulate your parents. “Another adult who might be more grounded and in control,” Coakley said. “They don’t have as much stake in the outcome. They are just there to support you.”
Unintended Consequences
“I tell this to parents all the time: From the time your child is born to the day before their 18th birthday, you are auditioning to keep yourself in your child's life,” Jenkins said. “As soon as they turn 18, they have the ability to audit every interaction they've had with you, and if they deem you to be unhealthy to be in their life, they will choose not to have you in their adult life. So, understand that there is a cost to your behavior that you may not be able to feel or recognize right now, but if you continue down this road, it could happen. There is something you can lose. That's a reality that happens.”
