Before this past weekend, the last two lacrosse games Jack Kelly played in ended in tears. The circumstances that prompted the emotional outpourings, however, could not have been more different.

“The last time I ever played a lacrosse game I was in tears and being carried off the field,” the Redwoods goalie said late last month in his first extended interview since playing for the U.S. national team in 2018. “The next time I played in a lacrosse game, I was walking off the field with tears of happiness after a really important and really good team win.”

1,085 days separated the wins. Kelly, 26, played the entire second half and made five saves, while allowing six goals, to help the Redwoods secure a 19-16 win against the Waterdogs at Hofstra’s Shuart Stadium on July 3. His teammates and coaches also struggled to contain their emotions when they congratulated him amid a downpour.

Kelly’s comeback from a devastating knee injury took nearly three years and required as many surgeries. It exacted a physical and mental toll few could comprehend.

“There was a time I thought I’d never play lacrosse again and there was a time I didn’t ever want to play lacrosse again,” Kelly said.

“I’m so proud of you, bro,” Rob Pannell told Kelly mid-embrace after the win on Long Island. “You looked good out there. This was a long time coming.”

Pannell was on the other end of the field at Wingate Institute in Netanya, Israel, on July 14, 2018, when Kelly fell to the grass after he made a leaping outlet pass in the third quarter. Kelly clutched his left knee. After several minutes on the ground, he was helped off the field by Michael Ehrhardt, Kevin Unterstein and the U.S. team medical staff. He watched the rest of the game — a 19-1 pool-play victory over Australia in the FIL World Championship — with a towel draped around his head.

Words of solace and encouragement from his teammates echoed in his ears. Kelly was at the height of his career and the pinnacle of the sport.

A four-year starter at Brown who led the nation in saves and save percentage his senior year during the Bears’ final four run, Kelly immediately carried over that success into the pros. He won MLL Rookie of the Year honors and a championship with the Denver Outlaws in 2016, then was named MLL Goalie of the Year the next summer. By 2018 when he was one of the youngest players to earn a spot on the Team USA roster, Kelly was widely considered the best goalie in the world. He felt like he was playing the best lacrosse of life.

“Everything was gone in an instant,” he said.

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Kelly kept his uniform on long after the final whistle blew. Back in the Shefayim Kibbutz, fellow goalie and roommate John Galloway asked him if he wanted to change or get some food. “I don’t want to take this jersey off,” Kelly told Galloway, “because I’m afraid it’s the last time I’m ever going to get to wear this.”

By the next day, however, Kelly resolved not to let his experience impact anyone else in a negative way. If he couldn’t play, he would still try to help the team, from scouting other goalies to advising on in-game defensive adjustments.

A couple hours before Tom Schreiber scored the gold medal game-winning goal over Canada in the final seconds, Kelly, a brace firmly affixed to his left knee, was the one who led the U.S. onto the field carrying an American flag at Netanya Stadium.

He called it one of the most humbling moments of his lacrosse career.

“As great as all of those guys were, he was even greater after he got hurt,” Team USA head coach John Danowski said. “He outwardly didn’t let anyone know what he was feeling inside and stayed positive. He was a unanimous, easy choice to carry out the flag on the last day. He epitomized what that team was about.”

At a time when Kelly would have been gearing for a playoff push with the Outlaws, he underwent ACL reconstruction on Aug. 7, 2018. He dove into rehab, but complications soon arose. The pain never ceased.

Kelly was told that a fat pad impingement was to blame. He underwent a scope surgery in February 2019 to clean up the scar tissue — in theory to offer him enough time to prepare for the inaugural PLL season. He always said he wanted to return when he was physically and mentally ready. At that time, he was far from either.

He’d go out to dinner with girlfriend, Alyssa DiBona, and would limp while leaving the restaurant. He struggled to stand at a bar for an extended time. He couldn’t fully straighten his left leg without pain. He described it as a gear without oil.

The body part which Kelly used so effectively while dropping low and playing his aggressive and unorthodox style now was a constant source of anxiety and dread.

“I was pretty lost as a person and an athlete,” Kelly said. He felt alone in the process on the medical side and wasn’t sure where to turn. His biggest fear was reinjuring his left knee. “I hope this holds up,” he’d think every time he stepped off a curb when he lived in New York City. The doubts permeated. When he’d bench press, he’d worry his pec muscle might tear.

A member of the PLL’s original 25-player council, Kelly traveled to IMG Academy in Bradenton, Fla., to attend the Redwoods’ training camp in May 2019 even though he couldn’t suit up. He paid his own way to be on the sidelines opening weekend at Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Mass. At the time, he thought he might return by the end of the season.

Looking back, Kelly said, that was delusional. His condition worsened as the summer progressed. Watching games became difficult. So did answering the repeated questions about when he was going to come back. He felt like he lost a part of his identity.

“I didn’t know what to do with myself,” Kelly said. “I’m a lacrosse player. It’s who I am. It’s what I do.”

Kelly knew he couldn’t continue down the path he was on. He switched doctors and started seeing orthopedic surgeon Dr. Christopher Ahmad — the head team physician of the New York Yankees — at New York-Presbyterian Hospital in July 2019. He also started working with Adrian “AJ” Yenchak, the director of sports therapy at Columbia Doctors Orthopedics.

“I was at a point in my life where it wasn't even about playing lacrosse again,” Kelly said. “It was about being able to not be in pain every day and live the life of a normal 24-year-old.”

A couple months later, Kelly started virtual sessions with Baltimore-based sports psychiatrist Dr. Arman Taghizadeh. He goes by “Dr. T.” They worked on addressing the mental scars that were in some ways deeper than the physical ones. Taghizadeh helped Kelly approach his rehab on his own terms and focus on what he could control.

After another MRI, Kelly was diagnosed with cyclops lesion — a painful anterior knee mass that arises as a complication of ACL reconstruction. “Less than ideal,” Kelly was told about how his first doctor handled the first two surgeries.

Ahmad performed Kelly’s third and final surgery in March 2020. He started waking up at 5 a.m. several days a week to drive from Long Island, where he lived with his family during the pandemic, into Manhattan for rehab sessions with Yenchak. Certain movements still cause soreness, but nowhere near what he used to experience. Kelly first started taking shots last summer at pickup games organized by Matt Kavanagh on Long Island, but he did not feel fully physically or mentally ready to play in the PLL Championship Series in Utah.

Kelly took a step back and prioritized his strength and flexibility. He tried to remain consistent and resilient, hallmarks of his play in the cage. “At your post, doing your usual good job,” his grandfather used to tell him.

After Kelly moved to the Philadelphia suburbs, where he lives with DiBona, this past February, he connected with Grant Ament. At training sessions they held during the spring in Conshohocken with Chris Hogan, Jackson Place and other pro players from the area, Kelly wore the Team USA helmet he donned at the 2018 world championship.

He started to play and feel like himself again. He slowly regained his confidence.

“That’s sort of when I knew I could do this,” he said.

Every time Kelly, a manager of corporate partnerships for Dignitas — an international esports team — looks up from his laptop in his home office in Media (Pa.), he sees a note that Marcus Holman wrote him on University of Utah Men’s Lacrosse postage while in Israel. Next to it is another one Kelly received from Danowski after his first surgery. Kelly preferred to keep the messages private, but did say they offered a source of constant motivation throughout his recovery. They continue to serve as a reminder of how far he has come.

“I always keep them in a visible spot because they encouraged me to get back on the field and continue to improve as a person and an athlete,” he said.

Last month, Kelly added another piece to the work-from-home setup. It sits right next to the notes and is never far from view.  

It’s the yellow game ball from the win at Hofstra.

On a practice field outside Gillette Stadium, Nat St. Laurent didn’t linger long after he hugged Kelly and welcomed him to his first training camp in uniform. He couldn’t.

“I wasn’t going to break out and start getting teary eyed at the very first day of training camp,” St. Laurent said.

Throughout training camp, Kelly pushed Tim Troutner, who after being selected by St. Laurent in the fourth round of the 2019 college draft won PLL Rookie of the Year honors and established himself as one of the best goalies in the league. Kelly’s backup role, however, has extended beyond competition. This past weekend, the PLL cameras and microphones picked up Kelly in warmups advising Troutner on how he thought shots would react on the soaked turf. Kelly keeps notes on the sidelines and gives the Redwoods shooters quick details on goalies’ tendencies. He’s always engaged. Towards the end of each half, his voice breaks through the noise, reminding St. Laurent of the timeout situation.

“It’s like having another coach on the sidelines,” St. Laurent said.

“When Timmy succeeds, we all succeed,” Kelly said. “When I succeed, we all succeed. That’s the mentality of this 19-man team.”

St. Laurent knew he would play Kelly, a West Islip (N.Y.) native, at some point in a game this summer. It just so happened, he said, that fate would have it be on Long Island. With five minutes remaining in the first half and the Redwoods trailing the Waterdogs 10-5, St. Laurent told Kelly he’d start the second. By that time, the score was tied at 10.

Kelly let in the first shot he faced against Connor Kelly, but soon he settled down. He showed flashes of brilliance with several point-blank saves.

“That first split [save] he did damn near brought tears to all our eyes,” Redwoods midfielder Kyle Harrison said. “When we saw him do that, you know he’s back to normal.”

St. Laurent called Kelly the week after the game to tell him that he was turning back to Troutner, who was since named the PLL All-Star Game MVP. “I completely understand,” Kelly replied. “I’m going to work hard to continue to support the team in any way I can.”

“To one of the best teammates I’ve ever had,” Matt Kavanagh said as he presented the game ball to Kelly in the locker room after the win. 

“It was one of those moments I’ll remember for the rest of my life as a coach,” St. Laurent said. “You just want good things to happen to good people.”

Kelly got another opportunity this past weekend. He played the entire second half of the Redwoods’ 15-12 loss to the Archers in Colorado Springs, Colo. He made five saves, but along with the rest of the Redwoods struggled to quell the Archers’ offense, featuring Holman and Ament, in a comeback bid that fell just short.

Kelly has also put on the Team USA jersey again this summer at U.S. Sixes evaluation camps, including the one currently underway in Lake Placid, N.Y.. He said he hopes he’s fortunate enough to continue to be invited to camps. His ultimate goal is make another U.S. team and win a second gold medal at the 2023 World Lacrosse Men’s World Championship in Los Angeles.

“When the next tryout process comes around, he’s going to be the leader of that group,” said Galloway, who was co-captain of the 2018 U.S. team and has served as a coach with the National Team Development Program. “He has confidence in himself. He’s been there before and he knows how important each moment is.”

But as Kelly sobbed and embraced his Redwoods teammates at Shuart Stadium, visions of another gold were a long way off. He fixated on the present. He said he’s grateful to be a part of team like the Redwoods and to have his physical and mental health. Kelly used to keep to himself and read before games, but now he focuses on enjoying all the little moments in the locker room, at practice or on bus rides. While he tries to block out all noise and concentrate solely on the next shot when he’s playing, he has a newfound perspective for when he’s not.

“I’m really just taking it all in, because I know what it’s like to have the opportunity taken away from you,” Kelly said. 

Surrounded by his teammates on a field around 15 miles from where he first fell in love with the goalie position in fifth grade, Kelly did just that.

“Welcome home,” St. Laurent told him as they hugged.

“The only thing I could really think of once that final whistle blew is all the hard work and all the help that people gave me,” Kelly said. “It was all worth it.”

Brian Logue contributed to this article.