IN HER 2,214-WORD LETTER, Bracken conveyed how her mental health declined almost as soon as she came to Vanderbilt in the fall of 2020 at the height of the pandemic. She shared why she left the team that year and ultimately why she decided to come back.
“It brought conversations between kids and their parents that people were so grateful for,” said Meghan Bracken, her mother. “As it blossomed, we recognized how important the conversation was.”
Bracken was no longer just a college athlete who had experienced mental health struggles. She was a college athlete who experienced mental health struggles and dared to speak out about them.
“It was the culmination of many years of suffering and then a year’s worth of really hard work and self-examination and tremendous growth,” Tim Bracken said. “She was manifesting the things she wanted in her life. The light was shining through the darkness in her wake.”
On the night of March 2, Bracken was in bed when her roommate, Megan Graziano, came into her room to share the sorrowful news about someone their Vanderbilt teammates Sammy and Jackie Nuchow used to play soccer with in Los Angeles.
“She died by suicide yesterday,” Graziano told Bracken. “Her name was Katie Meyer.”
Meyer was the star goalie and team captain at Stanford, leading the Cardinal to the NCAA women’s soccer championship in 2019. She competed with youth national teams. She died by suicide before a disciplinary hearing with the university.
Bracken was frustrated and afraid. “It’s so hard not to ask yourself, ‘What if somebody was having this conversation about me or my teammate?’” Bracken said.
Meyer was one of at least five NCAA athletes who died by suicide in a two-month span in the spring, calling national attention to the mounting mental health crisis in college sports and the unrealistic, perfectionist ideals they perpetuate.
PHOTOS BY KARLI SELL
Bracken reached for her computer and the words poured out of her.
I have looked at the pictures of these individuals who once shined with a bright smile, surrounded by loved ones, and I know that the reflection that looks back at me in the mirror every day doesn’t look all that different. …”
They were so successful, so full of life. How could they feel so lonely inside? …
Playing a sport in college feels like playing fruit ninja with a butter knife. There are watermelons and cantaloupes being flung at you from all different directions while you’re trying to defend yourself using one of those flimsy cafeteria knives that can’t even seem to spread room-temperature butter. …
It feels like the people in your life — namely, the adults — aren’t thinking about you at all. They’re thinking about the result that you create: the wins or the losses. …
We feel like we’re a perfectly curated glass ball, and if we come near a hard surface at the wrong angle, we’ll shatter.
The rawness of Bracken’s writing inspired others in the lacrosse community to share their stories. The Mental Matchup published similar works by Cal’s Lauren Hickman, Syracuse’s Kimber Hower and Florida’s Tori Bates, among others. Athletes Unlimited pro Lindsey Ronbeck spoke on a podcast about playing through eating and learning disorders in college.
Bracken started a movement.
“I wish it were in better circumstances,” she said, “but it was cool to see how many people were rallying around this message.”