Time Out
Bill finished the game with three goals and two assists, matching Maryland’s Taylor Cummings in the Tar Heels’ 9-8 loss in the NCAA semifinals in Chester, Pa., and looking like the anchor around which the Tar Heels would reload the next season.
Surprising her coaches, teammates and the rest of the college lacrosse world, however, Bill sat out the 2016 season. Though just a sophomore in 2015, Bill already was four seasons into her NCAA career. Along with starting every game for North Carolina’s lacrosse team since arriving as a freshman, she was a key defender for North Carolina’s dominant soccer team.
Even as she put on a show in the 2015 title game, Bill said, she was mentally exhausted and could feel her performance slipping. She felt less and less in control of her own life and under unrelenting pressure.
“Just going since eighth grade until now, being always in-season takes a toll mentally and physically. I was at a point where I thought, ‘I can be so much better if I can just step back,’” said Bill, who also played basketball and ran track at St. Anthony’s (N.Y.) High School. “I wanted to focus more academically, but it was also, ‘Hey, take a step back mentally. Take a break.’”
As the fall of 2015 approached, Bill decided to redshirt in soccer. Most college athletes play several sports in high school, often at elite levels. But few try to continue in college, where most programs have year-round commitments. There are exceptions. Duke’s Katie Trees and Stanford’s Hannah Farr both played full soccer and lacrosse careers through 2015. North Carolina’s other soccer-lacrosse standout Katie Brooks played for both teams from 2004 to 2009, redshirting lacrosse in 2008.
Bill originally planed to return for lacrosse. But as spring approached, she decided against it.
“I tried to get back on the field after soccer season, but there was no reason to rush it,” she said. “I don’t think I was ready to jump back into it.”
By deciding to sit out while healthy, Bill said her biggest worry was disappointing her teammates. Not so, insisted Marie McCool, who stepped into Bill’s spot in the North Carolina lineup and turned in an All-American season in 2016. Most of her teammates, McCool said, recognized the pressure from which Bill needed relief.
“There’s a lot of athletes that suffer from depression or being pressured way too much,” McCool said. “That’s across the board for all sports. [Other] students think we have the life. We get cool gear, we have tutors, we got in easier than they did. That’s all they see. They don’t see all the hours we put in on the field and still do our schoolwork. I don’t think they realize all the time and effort we put in.”
And all that was her experience playing just one sport.
“I couldn’t imagine being a two-sport athlete,” McCool said.
“If they had said, ‘Hey, we need you here,’ then 100 percent I would have been on the field,” Bill said. “But they were like, ‘No, this is good for you and we’ll be fine. You’ll just have a different role.’