HOW DID YOU RAISE KYLE IN A WORLD IN WHICH RACISM EXISTS?
MH: “My wife is an amazing mother and developer of character in kids. She had frank, age-appropriate conversations whenever racially charged events occurred. With that foundation, I still worried that he didn't understand early on racial inequity because he was not vocal. I also felt there were fewer incidents of racial difficulties because more frank discussions occurred about race at Friends School that he attended from pre-K to 12th grade. As he matured, I had the requisite conversations about the law and how a black boy should carry himself in public, especially with regard to any interaction with police. Clearly, the need for those survival conversations is still necessary. With regard to sports, I stated there will be bad and unfair calls at times, just play to the best of your ability, and most often, that will win the day.”
KH: “When it comes to racism, when it comes to racial injustice and everything people are talking about right now, my dad is the smartest guy I know. I just listened to him all the time. I wasn’t always vocal about it, but I could internalize it. Having the smartest guy living down the hall, it was always helpful. When it comes to lacrosse, I didn’t really question my place in this sport until I was older, and that had a lot to do with the fact that the guy down the hallway, I saw posters of him playing the sport and knew he played the sport. I felt pretty empowered and confident wherever I went.”
HOW DID KYLE ENCOUNTER RACISM WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER?
MH: “When organized lacrosse started for him, what I observed was marginalization by coaches on those early teams. Often, white kids of far-lesser skill levels were starters with far more playing time, though Kyle was clearly more accomplished. This leads to less time on task and slower improvement of skills. Direct conversations about things like playing time and position are appropriate to have with coaches with truthful discussions. Often, this did bring about increased playing time and more focus on helping Kyle with his skill levels. I am so proud of the man that we have raised. I can’t tell you how proud I am that he has understood and said, ‘I’m going to be on the side of change of all of this.’”
KH: “All the situations that my dad mentioned back then, I would have never considered anything racial. I remember always getting in the car with my mom and dad and them having a conversation. My dad was upset, and I couldn’t really wrap my head around why he was upset. … As I got older and understood I have a voice now, it started in college when I was at Hopkins. I got covered more in Baltimore, and I started to get recognized. That’s when I started to grow into my role as a voice in this sport. Then fast forward now toward the end of my playing career, to my dad’s point earlier, I think we have the generation right now that is committed to making change. That’s not only the black players. We have white players willing to speak out on issues. I remain optimistic about our game, but I still get email and DMs weekly from black families across the country whose son or daughter has been called the n-bomb or the coach made a joke about hanging a kid. We just had one at a college a couple months ago. I still remain optimistic with the group that we have right now.”