One coach didn’t have to call. He had a direct path to his daughter’s seat at the kitchen table.
“I’m a dad first,” Joe said. “That’s the biggest thing I can say, loud and clear … She and I are super close. It’s a unique relationship where she is the best of the best in her age group, and I coach a top-five program. Most of our conversations are about lacrosse. It’s about regular stuff.”
Stony Brook doesn’t typically get the blue-chippers. The program is built on the blue-collar diamonds in the rough. The Kylie Ohlmillers. The Courtney Murphys. The Ally Kennedys. But yes, the Seawolves went after this five-star recruit. In the end, they made the top three, along with Clemson and Syracuse.
At Clemson, football coach Dabo Swinney spoke with Alexa about being the Trevor Lawrence of the lacrosse program. Though Syracuse isn’t quite in the Spallina’s backyard — it’s about a six-hour drive, most of which is spent trying to get off Long Island — it had plenty of familiarity. The obvious? Her brothers, who were at the JMA Wireless Dome door to say hello. And the sport’s history at Syracuse isn’t lost on a player who grew up around the game.
“It’s the Dome,” Joe said. “Lacrosse is really important up there.”
Treanor’s playing style was close to Alexa’s, something she said piqued her interest in learning more from a coach lauded publicly and privately by her peers for being one of the sport’s best minds. One of Treanor’s assistants, Caitlin Defliese Watkins, was part of Joe’s staff at Adelphi and Stony Brook. Now a mother of two, Defliese Watkins has known Alexa since she was in diapers (the Spallina boys watched Defliese Watkins’ infant daughter for her while she helped give Alexa a tour).
“She’s family,” Joe said.
But so is Joe, and Stony Brook has been something of a playground for Alexa over the years. And so, she and her parents went on a tour of a campus Alexa could probably sleepwalk through. His assistants, Sydney Pirreca and Greg Miceli, took the lead.
“I was legitimately a dad,” Joe said. “My wife was there. Everything was fun and light, and then it got super real when it was time to try the uniform on for the photoshoot. That’s when it hit home. ‘I grew up watching that uniform.’… At that point, it was a lot of different years of following the team around and being a fan girl of Ally, Kylie and Murph. That was that one moment where it all kind of came together. That definitely made it a little trickier.”
Trickier, but when the emotions subsided, Alexa was clear-eyed and poised. The kid who grew up watching Stony Brook lacrosse games and retreating to her father’s office to watch Disney had grown up and made her own decision. Home was in the Dome. More specifically, home was with her brothers.
“When we got home, I said, ‘I feel like my home is Syracuse,’” Alexa said. “Getting the opportunity to play at the same school as my brothers is really cool. Playing for my dad would have been the same amount of cool, but Syracuse was where my heart was at.”
Talk to most parents of multiple kids, and they’ll tell you they loved their first child so much that they couldn’t imagine loving a second all the same. But many echo the same refrain for having another (or five, in the case of the Spallinas): Giving your first a best friend.
The truth is that life can get more complicated than that. Some people leave town for college to live out a narrative that’s the subject of many of Bruce Springsteen’s greatest hits: A chance to run, to peel out of the driveway at dawn with their high school graduation lying on the ground. Alexa may be leaving the Island next August, but she’s running to family, not away from it.
“I’d love to coach the No.1 player in the country, but my four kids want to be around each other,” Joe said. “That’s the best part of this whole thing. I’m an emotional guy. We always say family first, and we really mean it. My kids are best friends. My boys are sending us pictures, laughing all the time. For the four of them to be together during Joey’s senior year is awesome.”
Joe could make his way up to the Dome as a visiting team’s head coach that year. Stony Brook and Syracuse have squared off every year since 2020. Stony Brook doesn’t faceguard opponents’ top players, relying on its team-centered zone defense, which annually ranks highly in Division I, to do its job. Does he plan to make a special exception for his daughter?
Not a chance.
“I would not,” Joe said. “I don’t believe in faceguards, but I will definitely be chirping at a player on the other team. I can imagine the emotions of that, but it’ll be fun. I know Alexa will kick my butt [if I faceguard her]. She’s the only person in my house I’m scared of, so I wouldn’t do that.”