Leah Holmes Seeks to Show 'The Weight of it All' in New Short Film

Tasked with writing a feature story for her journalism class, Northwestern junior Leah Holmes was struck by news coverage about the mental health of student-athletes.

Stanford soccer player Katie Meyer had recently died by suicide, prompting a closer examination of the many pressures on student-athletes.

Driven by her personal experiences as a student-athlete and stories she heard from her peers, Holmes set to work on a story about the “culture of toughness” dominating the athletic world. Her research process took her everywhere from reading platforms like USA Lacrosse Magazine and Morgan’s Message to speaking with college athletic administrators nationwide.

Holmes turned in the article, but what she learned throughout the process stuck with her. Soon, a new idea was born.

“I realized, ‘Everyone’s writing articles about this, but it’s never been done visually,’” Holmes said. “‘I consider myself a writer, but I also love movies. It’s a great way to shape people’s perceptions, and it can influence our values.”

Holmes soon set to work on what turned into a 16-page, fictional screenplay called, “The Weight of It All.” The film chronicles the journey of a college soccer player, who Holmes said is “struggling with the weight of everything.” It touches on themes like familial expectations, tensions within the team and academic pressures.

A journalism major, Holmes had no previous experience writing and directing a screenplay. The filmmaking process left her feeling “exposed and vulnerable” at times, she said. But Holmes knew what she wanted from the final product, which she said was more important than having film expertise to begin with.

“It’s good to put yourself out there,” Holmes said. “I was uncomfortable at times, spearheading this process and knowing I could potentially be leading this group of 30 people into a burning building. But I had done my homework. I felt prepared.”

Holmes wasn’t initially involved with the film community at Northwestern and had to send several cold emails asking fellow students to join her team during the summer of 2022. Most of the students who assisted with the film weren’t student-athletes, Holmes said, but many resonated with the theme of “constantly striving for perfection.”

Beyond gathering a team, Holmes spent the summer revising her script, conducting research by watching films with similar themes and seeking donations for the filming process. Filming began in Fall 2022 –– a “purposeful” decision, Holmes said, given how busy she is during the spring lacrosse season. Still, Holmes had to miss the occasional practice in the fall because of filming, which she said wasn’t an issue with head coach Kelly Amonte Hiller.

While she hasn’t seen any of the film, Amonte Hiller said she’s “really happy” Holmes has pursued her passion.

Northwestern junior Natalie Lopez said Holmes told the team about the film in the fall and they’ve supported her since by following its Instagram account.

Lopez, a defender for the Wildcats and one of Holmes’ roommates, did hair and makeup for one of the filming days. Lopez remembered Holmes coming upstairs to her room in the fall, asking if she would help on set.

“I was flattered,” Lopez said. “I’m really thankful to help out and be a part of something bigger than myself and something that means so much to her.”

Filming took place on Northwestern’s Evanston campus, including the Walter Athletics Center — the headquarters for the athletics department –– and Martin Stadium, where the Wildcats’ soccer and lacrosse teams compete next to Lake Michigan.

Holmes said the athletics department was especially supportive during the process. Administrators allowed her crew to film in locations that typically only student-athletes and coaches can access, like offices with views of Lake Michigan and the visiting locker room in the Walter Athletics Center. As they filmed in athletics facilities, Holmes said fellow athletes walked by and seemed excited about the film.

Filming wrapped in the fall, and post-production took place in early winter. In early March, Holmes began submitting the film to festivals around the country. She said she plans on submitting the film to around 30 festivals, ranging from smaller venues showcasing student work to well-known names like Raindance Film Festival.

“It’s like the college admissions process,” Holmes said. “You shoot your shot with the Ivies and then don’t expect much.”

The film cannot be widely released on the Internet so it can remain eligible for select festivals, which Holmes said means it might not be available to the public until next fall. But when audiences eventually watch the film, Holmes said she hopes they’ll think about athletes as “multi-dimensional human beings.” People often believe student-athletes have it all, which isn’t always the case.

“But you don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors,” Holmes said. “I want people to be kinder about that and show each other more compassion.”