Behind the Whistle: One Love

This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Julie Myers is the head women's lacrosse coach at Virginia.

At the start of my career as head coach, if you would have asked me if I could imagine that I would have attended nearly 4,400 practices and coached roughly 750 fall and spring games, I would have laughed. It turns out that 29 years later, I have spent enough time on a bus or a plane to have traveled the globe more times than I can count. During those travels, I have been lucky enough to have spent it with nearly 400 Virginia lacrosse players and have had the pleasure of working with 12 coaches, four directors of lacrosse operations and three athletic directors.

There have been huge wins, brutal losses, ACC championships, Final Four heartbreak and a national title victory. What I have come to realize throughout all the travels, practices and games is that those things are just a tiny fraction of what we do as coaches. We are in fact in the people business. Although we are measured on outcomes as coaches, what we really do is lead, influence and support young adults as they learn about life to become compassionate and competitive people off the field. 

It is a blessing to have had only one career in my life, and to be able to have spent it all in one place is almost unheard of. I have been lucky to call Charlottesville and the University of Virginia my home since my college days. Careers do not span decades if you do not have a strong support system, and that is what the IWLCA has done. This group of coaches has been the backbone for so much growth and support in the lacrosse community. There is no doubt that I personally — and the program here at Virginia — have benefited from the support of our organization over the years. It’s through the support of the coaches, families and fans that we as a program have been able to heal and get through the one statistic that nobody expects to face, and that one is murder.    

On May 3, 2010, one day after we ended our regular season and one week before NCAA bid day, an unimaginable tragedy took the life of one of my fourth-year players, Yeardley Love. Yeardley was set to graduate later that month and to help our team play deep into May, but her ex-boyfriend, a UVA men’s lacrosse player, broke into her apartment, beat her up and left her to die in her bed.

The reality of that day will never be lost or forgotten by anyone associated with either program. In many ways, I’m still recovering from this devastating loss and have realized that some things will never make sense. The realization that you don’t have to have an understanding for it to have happened for it to still be real. The number of miles traveled, practices had or time spent with players doesn’t prepare you for the painful reality that one of your own is no longer returning to the team environment.

Born out of this tragedy was the One Love Foundation. Not surprisingly, the Love family has become an anchor for Virginia Lacrosse, and the family’s strength and compassion can be seen through all their efforts with the foundation. The many social media posts, short films and workshops have been helping teach teenagers and young adults how to recognize healthy and unhealthy signs in any relationship. The work of the foundation has etched a powerful legacy for Yeardley where her compassion and character can live on.

May 3, 2010, is a day that changed a lot of what we do and how we grow. The Virginia Lacrosse programs have always been tight, with several of our alum getting married after graduation, but the shocking murder did take a toll for some time. While it was one player, not a program, that took the life of another, our new reality did put us on edge. It made me hesitate before trusting again. Thankfully and over time, One Love and May 3 have brought the women’s and men’s programs closer together, and I strongly believe it has brought us closer in healthier ways.

Each year, our lacrosse programs hold a joint workshop with a facilitator from the One Love Foundation leading the group while creating space for smaller intimate group discussions. As coaches, we have taken the time to invest and heal the programs by creating opportunities for men and women to come together. One of our favorite traditions has become our combined scrimmage on Halloween in full costume … so much fun! Our efforts have created way more friendships across the board while the romantic relationships still live on. I believe both sides are more supportive and balanced through the lessons learned from the foundation programming.

If it were not for the IWLCA and the coaches that have been with me all along, I do not think that I would be where I am today, nor my program. For the last 12 years, May 3 has brought a consistent wave of text messages, emails and cards full of warm wishes and memories from coaches and teammates across the country. The way that so many of you, so many of us, remember to reach out and send love and support is truly amazing. 

I am grateful for every opportunity that One Love gets to have a presence at our convention. For me to have the opportunity to address all of you to encourage One Love workshops and spring games is so appreciated. I can’t thank you enough for helping the Virginia Lacrosse program recover and for always helping us remember what is important about the job we all share — the people.

It’s all about helping young adults learn how to live on their own and how to be great people in all settings, and it’s about learning how to compete with passion and to live with compassion. It is truly a privilege to be able to do what we do. Studies have shown that the biggest part of life that impacts our mental health and happiness is the relationships we have. What a great reason to learn to recognize healthy habits that build healthy relationships and to grow those while we learn how to improve or end the relationships that are unhealthy and harmful.

As of April 6, 2023, over 2,500 t-shirts have been sold with roughly 160 teams playing in about 80 One Love games. When I watch games and see the One Love shirts on the field and in the stands, I get chills. THANK YOU for getting behind One Love and for being a great billboard for healthy relationships. I’m excited and hopeful to keep building on our foundation and relying on all of you to help spread the word and awareness of One Love.

One Goal: To build healthy relationships as we work to end relationship violence. You are all the heroes in what we do!