Behind the Whistle: Coaches Never Lose

This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Liz Robertshaw is the executive director of the IWLCA.

As May knocks on the door and another college lacrosse season seemingly sprints to an end, I often hear coaches saying:

Wow, where did the season go?

How is it senior day already?

Man, what happened this year?

While I have been out of full-time coaching for going on five years now, I still think many of those same thoughts this time of year and feel deeply both the joy and the pain my friends in coaching have felt this season. The final scoreboard and win-loss records can often do a number on the mental health and joy coaches feel about their jobs and even their own self-worth. It’s the reality of the job, and it’s heartbreaking.

As many seasons come to a close, I want to take this opportunity to remind all coaches out there something they have consistently preached to their players — your value is not tied to a scoreboard. Many of you will read that and move on to the next task forgetting it within two minutes. So, I have something else for you.

The following is a poem, slightly altered, that my coach, Amy Bokker, read to me on senior day, and that her coach, Feffie Barnhill, read to her on senior day. I read it every senior day to my players at Boston University when I was a head coach, and not one time could I read it or think about it without getting choked up (cue waterworks right now, haha). I keep it on my desk as a personal reminder and share it with you as a gift of love and appreciation for who you are and what you do for others. Read it and let it soak in. Think about your career, the relationships you’ve built, the lives you’ve changed and hear this again — your value is not tied to a scoreboard.

I am thankful for every player that I had the chance to coach over my tenure (yes even those of you who we didn’t always see eye to eye on things!). I am grateful for the relationships built and am immensely proud of the women they have all become. When I think of them, I am reminded that coaches never lose no matter what a scoreboard says.

Coaches Never Lose

A team can lose.

Any team can lose.

But in a sense, a very real sense, a coach never loses.

For the job of a coach is over and finished once the starting whistle blows.

They know whether they’ve won or lost before play starts.

For a coach has two tasks.

The minor one is to teach skills; to teach a child how to run faster, catch better, throw farther, defend stronger, shoot smarter.

The second task, the major task, is to make grown-ups out of children.

It’s to teach an attitude of mind.

It’s to implant character and not simply impart skills.

It’s to teach children to play fair – this goes without saying.

It’s to teach them to be humble in victory and proud in defeat – this goes without saying.

But more importantly, it’s to teach them to live up to their potential,

No matter what that potential is.

It’s to teach them to do their best and never be satisfied with what they are,

But to strive to be as good as they can be if they tried harder.

A coach can never make a great player out of a child who isn’t potentially great,

But they can make a great competitor out of anyone.

And miraculously they can make a grown-up out of a child.

For a coach the final score doesn’t read –

So many points for my team, so many points for theirs.

Instead, it reads – so many grown-ups out of so many children.

And this is the score that is never published.

And this is the score that they read to themselves and in which they find their real joy,

When the last game is over.