This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Amanda Daniels is the head coach at Denison University.

Since I was asked to submit something for Behind the Whistle back in December (oops), I’ve had several ideas swirling around in my mind. I had finally landed on writing about balance and my never-ending quest to find it — at work, at home, at practice, with our players, for our players, etc. Balance is something we are always talking about and something I am constantly thinking about and aware of on every level. It looks a little different to each of us but is crucial, nonetheless.

I planned to ramble on about how balance is ever-evolving and changing depending on the day, the situation and who’s involved. If it’s team-related, it could be the balance between our players’ academics, lacrosse and their social lives, or it could be the balance between having fun and being competitive/intense at practice or simply the balance of granola bars versus fruit snacks that we buy for the bus.

The list of what ideally needs to be balanced could honestly go on and on. For me, I stress balance, and it’s something I consider in every decision I make for the team, both big and small. In my own life, I’m often left wondering if I’m actually achieving balance. I mean, the easy answer is no way, at least not to someone who doesn’t understand what life is like as a coach (which I will forever say is a lifestyle, not a job), but in many ways I actually think I do a decent job of it ... or do I?

Anyway, I had all these grand philosophical thoughts about balance, and slowly my blog entry was forming itself in my mind. I knew one day I might actually sit down and type it out and send it along ... you know, in all my free and balanced time during the heart of our season. Then, life as we know it changed. The definition of balance in everyone’s day-to-day lives have been rocked, and we are now all left here struggling to regain some feeling of normalcy and control.

Just a few weeks ago, I was struggling over whether or not we should practice at a certain time on a certain day, and now I’m home wondering if what we have planned to do with our team remotely is too much or not enough to help us all through this crazy, weird time. So, I guess in some ways things haven’t changed … but it all feels so different.

The real tough part, at least for me currently, is that we are left here still grieving while physically separated from the people we are usually spending all of our time with during this part of the year. We’re all going through it, and we all have our own disappointments, struggles and worries. In the grand scheme of things, I know our losses are small compared to what others are experiencing during this time. Mentally, I can take a step back and realize that I am very fortunate, and I am happy to do my part to help others. Emotionally, I’m just not quite there yet, and that’s OK.

What we all need to do now is continue to practice and strive for that balance — the balance between allowing yourself to feel all the feelings and finding ways to keep taking steps forward. Know that it’s OK to be mad or sad. It’s also perfectly OK to be happy! In times like these, and really in all times, judging your own emotions harshly is counterproductive. Instead, learn to be intentionally kind to yourself, just as you are being to those who are reaching out to you for help. And reach out for help yourself.

If nothing else, write it all down in a journal, and if you feel comfortable doing so, share it with a friend or family member like I’m essentially doing right now. To my extended lacrosse family, I am sad, and for so many reasons, I’m not quite sure I can fully comprehend it yet.

What truly keeps me going, though, is knowing with confidence that we will all get through this and come out the other side better for it. As a coach, it’s impossible not to be competitive or appreciate a challenge. This is a challenge and honestly, not one we are unfamiliar with. How do I take care of myself while also helping others get through this? How do we all keep moving forward? Such questions are common in our lives, and we are all equipped to handle them. Every one of us — coach, player, friend, parent — have a responsibility to find that balance, to take the moments we need to process and grieve while finding ways to help and support someone else and, most importantly, to keep moving forward.

Lastly, things will undoubtedly get harder before they get easier. New challenges are appearing daily, but we are all competitors, and we will continue to find ways to face them together. Regardless of how you are feeling or the struggles that you are facing, I hope you can find comfort in knowing you are not alone. It’s easy to feel like I am the only one still crying daily, but I know that can’t be true. Reach out, stay connected and allow yourself a judgement-free zone to feel those feelings, while continuing to find ways to move forward. We got this.

IWLCA Editor’s Note: The author would like to share this article stressing that it’s OK to grieve the “normal” life we’ve lost to the COVID-19 pandemic.