This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Sophie Ward is a freshman midfielder and attacker for the Cornell women's lacrosse team.

Playing a collegiate sport is a wonderful thing. It is rewarding. It stretches you and helps you grow. It teaches you painful lessons that you might otherwise never learn. It shows you who you are. You experience things that most can only dream of. Some of your best days are spent on the sports field.

Yet, sports have the power to control you and your emotions. They can destroy your confidence very easily. They’re foundationally supposed to be fun, but when too much pressure is applied and you start to worry that you’re just not good enough, you begin to question your self-worth. At this point, nothing about sports is very fun anymore.

Author’s Note: In honor of May being Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought I’d share Sarah Devens’ story. Let it be a reminder for all of us engrossed in the competitive lacrosse world that, first and foremost, we are loved because of the people we are, not the things we achieve. Our inherent values we hold closely to our hearts and the way we make people feel are what matters. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Remember Sarah Devens.

Dear Sarah Devens,

I never had the privilege of knowing you. Truthfully, sometimes I feel like I did know you, but regardless, I’ve always wondered about you.

It is to my understanding that we have some things in common. Please know, this is not me attempting to compare the two of us. From what I’ve heard, no one could ever compare to you.

Here’s what I know about you:

You grew up splitting time between Essex and Ipswich, Mass. Well, I grew up in Ipswich, five minutes down the road from you. You attended Shore Country Day School for elementary and middle school, and I did, too. For high school, you went to St. Paul’s School in New Hampshire, where you played three varsity sports: field hockey, ice hockey and lacrosse. I am also a proud St. Paul’s alum, having graduated in June 2019 after playing three varsity sports throughout my career, as well. We both played under legendary SPS coach Heather Crutchfield. She is one of the single greatest people I have ever known, and I believe you would have agreed. You played three sports in the Ivy League at Dartmouth. I just finished up my first year in the Ivy League at Cornell, where I am lucky enough to compete on the lacrosse team.

I know that in July of 1995, the summer before your senior year at Dartmouth, you left this world too soon. You were only 21. I’ve lost sleep over your legacy for years, never truly understanding why I thought about you so much. In middle school, I’d write your initials on my wrist before every game — SD in messy sharpie. I didn’t understand how someone I had never met could have such a profound impact on me. But you do, Sarah. You just do.

I know that you are considered the greatest female athlete that Shore, St. Paul’s and Dartmouth have seen to this day. You shattered records, including many that you still hold. You were an All-Ivy selection and an All-American, too. You won countless awards and championships.

You were the quintessential team player and competitor. Most impressively, you were a three-sport senior captain at Dartmouth.

I also know that there was a side of you that perhaps people never saw, or never knew even existed. Beneath all the talent, skill, competitive drive, determination and pure energy, you were a young woman with real emotion and feelings. I think a lot of people saw you as a superstar. You were, don’t get me wrong. But first and foremost, you were a human being.

Sarah, you mentioned to some that in the midst of your college career, sometimes you wished to “slow down.” But the pressure of being perfect got to you. You were Sarah Devens. How could Sarah Devens, the greatest female athlete of her class, slow down and stop playing a sport?

To me, Sarah, you are more than an athlete. You are more than your awards, your accomplishments or your titles. You are a sister, a daughter, a friend, an inspiration, a human being floundering around in pursuit of finding yourself, just like the rest of us. I know people that have named their children after you, not because of the things you achieved, but because of who you were. As we approach the 25th anniversary of your death, we remember you dearly. We promise to hold your memory closely. We think about you often. We thank you tremendously. We love you deeply.

You will never be forgotten, SD.

Sincerely,
Sophie Ward