This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Kathleen Mirgon is a graduate assistant coach at Bloomsburg University.

I made a promise to myself during my junior year of college, and that promise was, no matter where it may take me, to coach at the collegiate level. I have been blessed to have such a wide variety of coaches along my path, each presenting his or her own style of coaching that has shaped the coach I strive to be each and every day. If there was one thing I could take away from the influences of my coaches, many years of playing and minute coaching experiences leading up to my position at Bloomsburg, it would be the importance of establishing a positive relationship with your athletes.

I believe that I coach how I liked to be coached. We’ve all heard the saying, “coaching is an inside-out process,” and that resonates with me so heavily, especially in these younger years in the field. I knew that heading into my first position at the collegiate level, I wanted to draw the line in the sand between coach and friend with my athletes early on. I was 21 years old, fresh off graduation in May and heading into coaching a team in my same athletic conference (shout out to the PSAC) that I had played in for four years as a student-athlete.

Of course, I wanted to be taken seriously, even though I was just a mere six months older than some of the seniors on the team. I knew that in order to do this, it was so important to establish boundaries early on. I like to think that my ways of doing so defined my coaching style heavily during my time at Bloomsburg and will continue to carry me through coaching positions in my future.

In order to build positive relationships with your athletes, you have to connect to them on some level. Some athletes are more open to extra work on the field, whereas some prefer popping by the office for a chat in order to build a connection. There are many things I try to do when making the effort to grow these connections with athletes:

Undivided Attention

When you are working with an athlete, or even groups of them, whether it be shooting reps or footwork or conditioning sessions, make sure your athletes know that they are important in that moment. Be present. Focus on the task at hand, even though you are on the other side of the game now. Your athletes can pick up on your interest and care just as much as you can pick up on theirs. I always appreciated coaches who really made me feel like they wanted to help grow my game, always staying present and introducing tips or skills to help me out specifically. Cater drills or reps to the player you are working with, even if that means an extra 10-15 minutes of brainstorming drills in the office.

Social Media

In this day and age especially, social media outlets have become a part of the job. Take advantage of this! It is a way to relate to your athletes and give them those positive shout outs. Catch them doing good. At the college level specifically, if one of your attackers has an awesome behind-the-back shot in practice, post it to your story and tag them. If your goalie scored a 98 percent on her chemistry exam, do the same. Athletes like to be recognized, and doing so through social media helps relate to their lives in an appropriate manner. As I mentioned before, as a young coach, it is all about boundaries. They can follow our team account, but I probably would not accept them to follow my personal account during my coaching tenure at the school. This allows you to still connect, but not directly.

Be Yourself

Take pride in the things that make you you and the connections will cultivate effortlessly. Coaches have little pieces of themselves in each of their players, and these will shine through in one aspect or another. I, personally, am a huge health and nutrition advocate, so I always liked when I could share recipes, snacks or workouts with my athletes who also shared this interest when they popped by the office. I have two younger brothers, so I always felt I could relate to the athletes’ humor in an appropriate manner. Over time, you will find that your athletes will reciprocate this to you.

Never Discuss Things You Shouldn’t

This one seems obvious, but of course necessary to mention! Do not discuss your social life or anything too personal that could be perceived as inappropriate. This one is a big one, especially when you are close in age to many of your players. Wait for your time to befriend them. There is a time and a place for everything. Be relatable, but in things that you both are going through. Talk to them about study habits, their families and friends if they are willing to share, lacrosse of course, even what they are eating at the dining hall that night. Take the focus off of yourself and put it on the athletes.

Embrace the Positive Culture and Know Your Role

They say last one, best one, and for me, this is it. Recognize this early on and do everything in your power to coach to the standards of your program. Head coach, assistant, graduate assistant or volunteer ... athletes will come to each of these positions for different things. Empower them in the classroom, be there for advice when they need it, be a listening ear and do so in correspondence with your role. As a graduate assistant coach myself, I always knew that I did not know it all. Athletes respect that and can relate to that. Be open to learn, be open to getting to know your athletes and be open to being part of where you are at right now.

To wrap things up, focus on the positives with your athletes. Build their confidence on and off the field, guide them in the classroom and instill the culture you wish to create amongst the team. I always want my athletes to know I support them, can laugh with them and be their greatest critic if they need it. Take time to care about their lives ... ask questions and follow up with them. Be their mentor off the field and be business on it. Relatability, respect and boundaries can go a long way. Be a role model to your players, be available when they need you as best you can and continue to do so even after your time as their coach has ended.