This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Samantha Giacolone is a former Notre Dame goalkeeper and the current assistant coach for the Furman women’s lacrosse team.

Have you ever typed the word “captain” into the Merriam-Webster dictionary? If not, these are what the results look like:

Definition 1: a military leader.

Definition 2: one who leads or supervises.

Definition 3: a person of importance or influence in a field.

Now look up the word “leader” in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. What do those results look like? Here is what I found:

Definition 1: something that ranks first.

Definition 2: a person who directs a military force.

Definition 3: a person who has commanding authority or influence.

I have given you six definitions for two different words. My final question to you would be, what is the difference between a captain and a leader? From the simple definitions stated above, there seems to be little to no difference, but in the world of lacrosse that we all engage in every day, the title of captain is wanted so much more than the title of leader.

I’ll admit it. Being the captain of a team was always something I strived for. I did it in high school. I was the captain of three varsity sports teams starting as a sophomore leading all the way up to my senior year. Growing up with two parents who had excelled in the world of sports in their own unique ways instilled in me the values of family, trust, sacrifice and passion. I brought that to my teammates every day. Whether it was making sure someone knew I had their back, driving the younger players home so they would feel included, putting my teammates needs above my own or constantly pushing and encouraging my teammates to rise to their fullest potential, I did it. Not because I had the title of captain but because these were the values ingrained in me to be a great leader and a good person.

So as we all know, high school comes to an end at some point. You move on to the next big chapter in your life. College. It is a complete change of pace academically, socially and athletically. As a freshman, you are trying to just get your feet underneath you on a new, big stage. Sophomore year, you become the oldest of the youngest, so you have some of the scenes memorized but are still learning all the lines. Then you hit junior year. Junior year by far is the most challenging as an athlete, as a student and as a person. You may become part of the supporting cast or even move up into the under-study role and most likely get a shot at the main part in the big show called lacrosse. On top of all the athletic pressure, you are in your toughest classes, declaring majors and minors, planning out your post-college plans, interviewing and most importantly, figuring out how you truly want to make a mark before your college experience ends.

I went through all of this, as I assume most of you did, are doing currently or will have to soon enough. But on top of all of the chaos of my junior year, I was blessed to have been voted a captain for the 2017-18 season. I remember getting the phone call the summer before my junior year began. I was heading home from the beach with my family and could not stop smiling the entire car ride. Beaming from ear to ear, I sat in that car thinking about how excited I was to represent the University of Notre Dame with a letter “C “next to my name and lead my teammates with those four values I carry with me every day: family, trust, sacrifice and passion.

Our goal as a team was to make it into the NCAA playoffs, but our run was cut shorter than we wanted. My goal as a captain was to be the best teammate and player I could be, but I did not quite meet that standard. I got pulled from games, I struggled doing my job in the net, I was angry I was not performing well, I let my emotions get the best of me and I felt like I was letting my teammates down as a player. It was probably one of the first times in my life I lost complete confidence in the player and person I had always prided myself on being. And that scared me.

As senior year approached, I knew that letter “C” might not be sitting next to my name anymore. And the fear of embarrassment, personal disappointment and lack of confidence really caved in. I was scared to make a mistake on the field, I was scared to speak up because I did not think people wanted to hear what I have to say and I was scared I was going to let my teammates down once again. Majoring in psychology had its pros and its cons. You know that you are building yourself up so high with anxiety and tension and fear. You know you need to stop. But as humans, we know that sometimes you just can’t seem to stop without a little help. I met with a sports psychologist every week for the entire fall semester. I learned performance tricks that would help me reset after each play, learned to confront all the built-up feelings of personal disappointment of the last year and prepared my reaction for that letter “C” to be stripped away.

Spring semester came around, the season was about to begin and we found out who the captains were. It felt like every eyeball in the entire room was glued to my facial expression. I did not get it, but I was okay. We had a great practice. I couldn’t wait to get dinner with my friends and get right back after it the next day. I was happy. Yes, it hurt, but I knew it would hurt more if I did not embrace my values as a leader and give everything I had left for the next five months at this amazing university with these amazing people.

Captain and leader; two words that share nearly the same definitions, but one title is wanted so much more than the other. I had it wrong back in high school. You should want to be a captain, but always strive to be a leader. Not everyone’s experience is going to be like mine; finding the leader in yourself may arise at a completely different time, different place and in a different chapter of your life. But one thing is for sure, a team full of leaders is so much stronger than a team with three captains and company. No matter your title or your role right now, there is always an opportunity to share your values with others and be a leader in your own unique way. Whether it be inviting everyone over to your house for a meal, going to a doctor’s appointment in support of your teammate who is nervous to face the results on her own, cheering your head absolutely off on the sideline or scoring the game winning goal.

Every moment is a moment to be a leader as a player and as a person. Don’t let that letter “C” take away from letting the leader in you shine.