This story initially appeared on Behind the Whistle, the official blog of the IWLCA, and is being republished with permission from the organization. Gina Oliver Thomas is the head coach of the Cincinnati women's lacrosse team.

I’m not going to take credit for the title. Emmanuel Acho has become my new favorite person to follow on Twitter. Let’s begin with the major questions I’ve been getting. What’s it like being Black in the sport of lacrosse? What are the challenges? And what can we do as a sport to promote change?

Well, it has been a long month-and-a-half for most of the world/my friends. When, honestly, this has been the feeling of many Black people for YEARS. On May 25, George Floyd was killed. This became the first time, the first acknowledgement, by many white people that there is a problem. There has been a collective grief amongst the Black community way before May 25, 2020. I could (but won’t) name all of the Black people who have been killed for NO REASON. But I will try and give some insight and stories, because I don’t have “the answers.”

How do I begin this conversation with my teammates and coaches? This was a question I asked myself as a player. I chose to attend The Ohio State University for multiple reasons. One was because they had other Black players on the team. Back then, I was not comfortable attending a school or being a part of a team that did not have people that looked like me. We never had conversations about it, but we have experienced racism during games. In one game, I was in a double team with a Black teammate of mine and the official blew the whistle and commented, “It was one of you Black girls.” HUH? We have numbers, ma’am.

As a player, it was common for officials to call a foul on me for being “too aggressive.” Full disclosure: I was a very physical player; however, I’d get called before even fouling. It still happens. Uncomfortable conversations need to happen. They won’t be perfect. They will be authentic and hopefully everyone is honest and tries to be empathetic.

How do I begin this conversation with my team (school, families or friends)? Now that I am a coach, it is hard to ignore the consistent racism in lacrosse. We have taken the approach of teaching and talking about it with our team via situations that have continued to happen in lacrosse and in the world. Lacrosse has had enough situations where players and or coaches have been slapped on the wrist for using the “N” word, painting their faces and posting insensitive pictures via social media. And they have continued to say, “Sorry,” or they didn’t mean it, or even worse — post or comment on how many Black friends or people they know, to show they “can’t be racist.” I do believe people make mistakes. However, when you know something is hateful or inhumane, you don’t do/say it and then apologize afterwards. And most KNOW.

How do I begin this conversation with my family? I am a new wife and mother. My husband owns his own company. Ironically his tree service business operates in a predominantly white field. I believe that is another thing that has connected us. He hears, “You’re different than THEM” often. Who is them? I’ll tell you. The “other” Black men that white people see as a threat.

I consistently tell him to be careful of calling, walking on properties, etc. He is seen as a threat more often than not (and he’s not a small man by any means). I don’t fear him not coming home; I fear what other people see, say or do behind his back that we don’t even know about. You can’t really truly know if someone is prejudiced or has a racist spirit unless they SAY or ACT it. I can tell you as a new mom, I’m not looking forward to having that same conversation that we will have to have with our son. But it will have to happen.

How do we continue the conversation? What kills me is how the media and some white people try to say, “Well there must have been some reason for why the police stopped him/her. There has to be a reason why they were rough with him/her. He/She had drugs in their system. He/She broke the law.” Let’s remember that the police somehow found a way to arrest Dylann Roof (a young white man who entered a church in South Carolina and killed multiple people) without a scratch, mark or scuffle. He broke the law, had drugs in his system and there was a reason.

Now when you fix your lips to say, “Well there must have been,” please consider the above. I don’t care what laws were broken or what is in a persons’ system. I’ve learned that 76% of Americans believe racial and ethnic discrimination is a big problem. That is a start and a reason why we need to continue the conversation.

If you are a white player, spouse, parent or coach, it is your responsibility to educate yourself, your team, your family and your circle. It is not your Black friend or the Black community’s responsibility to educate you. We can guide you, provide insight and help you understand. But that is all we can do.

If you are a Black player, spouse, parent or coach, it is your responsibility to be unapologetically you and help continue the conversation. The challenge for me is the inability to discern who is an ally or anti-racist, as opposed to those who are just playing the part or pretending. But as Black parents, players and coaches, we have been — and will always — be held to a higher standard than others. We have to stand in our truth and help the movement progress towards change.

I’ve answered a lot of texts and joined a lot of Zoom calls, but the most important message I have is this: live life with an empathetic heart and be true to who you are.